interview by Sylvia Rhue
Let's start with the panel discussion you participated in last Wednesday at the Screen Actors Guild on Black LGBT Images in the media co-sponsored by NBJC, NAACP and GLAAD.
How was that experience for you? Please tell our readers what was learned from that meeting. What are your feelings about black lgbt people's images in the media?
I was very honored to be included in the Feb. 11th Panel at SAG. Being surrounded by so many brothers and sisters who are both working and “working it” in Show Business is inspiring in itself, it showed that even as we have a long way to go to reach true equality in this (or any other) business, that we have made tremendous progress. I found it particularly inspiring that nearly half the panel represented the Production side of the business, i.e. writers, producers, directors. To really get our voices heard, we must nurture more of this leadership from our LGBT brothers and sisters of color.
How and why did you get started in show business?
I began my career in my hometown of Nashville, TN. I always tell anyone beginning in the business to start where YOU are! Don’t feel that you must move to New York or L.A. to begin your career. Like many of us, I started in school at a young age and at church at an even younger age.
I was always called on to do an “Easter Speech,” to narrate a program, or act in a skit or sing in the choir. I loved doing these things, and realized then that it was an honor and a blessing that these gifts came quite naturally to me. I was the lead in my 1st grade play in school, probably mainly because I could project my voice and wasn’t afraid to be seen and heard in a crowded auditorium. (Chuckle) I guess I am still doing that today.
When did you come out? What was the response of your family, friends, relatives, co-workers?
As soon as I got away from home honey! Seriously. I was attracted to men and had boyfriends all the way through high school. I loved men and enjoyed having sex with them, but I always felt there was something missing. My freshman year of college I had my first girlfriend and I was like; “Wow, I don’t think there is any coming back from this!” So I started coming out to good friends early on, but it took many years to gain the comfort I have with myself now. When I told my friends I was bisexual they said, “How long do you think you can keep switching back and forth?” Back then I said, “I don’t know”, now I would say, “As long as I want to!’’ I, have embraced the reality that for me (and many others) sexuality is fluid. I don’t like labels, but if I had to wear one I would call myself a bisexual lesbian ; )
Now my family, that was a different story. I was really afraid to come out to them, although I figured they knew. One evening on the phone my dear mother asked me about my relationship with a woman I had been with for about 2 years at the time, and that’s when it all came to the surface. She said the last thing any child wants to hear, even if you’re grown like I was: she said, “I’m disappointed.” I was devastated. It took us years of healing, but now she calls my partner of 12 years, Colette Divine, her other daughter. We’ve come a long way. My dear, sweet father and I never really talked about it. He’s passed on now. I knew he disapproved, but he tolerated it because he loved me and he did grow to love and respect Colette. The rest of my family and co-workers have pretty much always responded to whatever my own comfort level was at any given time. So, I am truly convinced that we teach others how to respond to us.
How has being out affected your career?
Strangely enough, being closeted has affected my career more than being out. I’ll tell you a story about it. About 10 years ago I was cast as a series regular playing the mom of a 12 year old boy who was the show’s star. This actor’s actual mother was very dynamic and had a lot of power on the show. I was closeted in my career at the time, so whenever I was asked “Are you married? dating?” and so on. I became aloof and secretive—except with people who were openly gay with whom I felt comfortable. This made some straight people uncomfortable and mistrusting of me.
I had a memorably uncomfortable conversation with the star’s mom wherein she casually probed me about hanging out with the openly gay male costumer. A couple of weeks later I was casually let go. I’ll never know if that was the real reason for my dismissal. I do know that trust is a huge part of any working relationship. If someone senses they can’t trust you—whatever the reason—they certainly aren’t going to want to be on set with you 18 hours a day. Being trusted begins with trusting yourself, and trusting that others can and will survive knowing who you really are. After all, you survived it—so will they!
What are the biggest challenges to being an open African American lesbian?
The biggest challenge has honestly been me accepting myself. My skin is brown—so there’s no hiding that—it’s seen. The gender of my life partner is something I get to choose to reveal in life’s little interactions every day. It’s really conquering the challenge of the small moments that adds up to your being open in the world. When the bank teller or a cashier asks “Any big weekend plans?” and I say, “Just staying home watching T.V. with my sweetie” and they say; “He’s a lucky guy” and I choose to follow up with; “She sure is.” That’s a moment I’ve used to be open, which is a subtle grassroots way of educating. Every time a member of the LGBTQ community takes the risk to reveal who they are to anyone else on the planet, we affirm our self worth. My partner Colette says, “Anyone can come out once, it’s coming out everyday that empowers your life.” That’s why I say, “Being out is a journey, not a destination.”
You are about to embark on a six-month gig with Royal Carribbean. Tell us all about that—you said you love it? How does being out on a 6 month cruise work for you? Any perks? Any problems?
Yes, I love it! I’m in good company. Jennifer Hudson sharpened her chops singing on a cruise ship. Other than being a series regular on a TV show, or working on Broadway—both of which are goals I intend to fulfill—I don’t know many other gigs where you can make a generous salary as a fulltime performer. I’m the female lead singer of two Broadway style production shows and it really is like being in a Broadway show—but you’re at sea! There are elaborate sets and lights, a live orchestra and lightening fast costume changes. The shows are in an 800 seat theatre which is full almost every night. I also do two more shows: a jazz set and a 70’s set in more intimate parts of the ship. Besides the amazing live audiences and great pay, I get to travel the Caribbean, so yes, there are lots of perks! I have passenger status on the ship, which means I get to enjoy all the ships amenities, pool, spa and so on just like a paying guest. Life is good. It’s so much fun!
My ship is Royal Caribbean’s Enchantment of the Seas. I’ll be on board from May to Sept. 2009. Did I mention the food? Yummmmm! The only problem with working in the Caribbean for 6 months is that I’m away from home for 6 months. I miss my partner and my family, but I can phone and Skype them, and they’ll come and take the cruise. So honestly, the very worst thing is missing my 2 precious boy dogs because they don’t type and they don’t Skype. I mean, I can see them on Skype but do they get that it’s me? I know they feel my energy and hear my voice, so I like to believe they understand I’m loving them and I’ll be home soon.
What words of wisdom do you have for anyone wanting to go into show business and not be closeted?
Don’t step into the closet in the first place! And if you’re in, GET OUT! You don’t have to go on Oprah or Ellen, it’s OK to take baby steps if you need to. Just be yourself! Accept and Embrace All of who you are, darling—the good, the bad and the ugly.
Final thoughts?
The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable others will be with you.
And buy my CD Love Just Happens… available in April at myspace.com/jkarenthomaslive or email me at JKMusicStar@gmail.com
